I’m allergic to something really CRAPPY right now.
Archive for September, 2006
I don’t know why I even tried to find it somewhere else.
Everything’s not OK.
The life I’m leading.
The job I’m enduring.
The decisions I’m making.
The things I’m saying.
The emotions I’m feeling.
I have been frivolous. I need God. I’ve always needed Him, but I feel guilty only remembering Him because of what I’m going through right now. I’m having bouts of depression again, and I am terrified of the fact that I am getting used to having my personal evils breathing down on my neck. They feed on my sadness. They play on my idle mind. They drag me away from God.
I need this time to go back to the Lord Jesus Christ. All He does is wait for me. Embarrassed and shamed, I feel like I don’t deserve salvation. But He wants me to take it; that’s what He died for. So, I’m going to take this precious opportunity to come back to the arms of who so unconditionally loves me, and I don’t ever want to let go again.
Overload.
I am juggling two jobs right now. Well, one and a half. This week officially marks the start of a six-day work week. And I don’t like it one bit.
I have a home-based job creating websites for people I only met online, which means, I’m earning dollars tax-free. Wootness. That’s just so because I am not a full-fledged web designer (yet). But these people I’m working with keep on referring me to another and to another… So I wouldn’t be surprised if I one day, I’ll collapse from the load. I was thinking of applying for another job, but with the perks I have with my part-time job, that wouldn’t be necessary because finally, working from home will now bring down my bills to nil. Excellent.
Practicality matters.
More often than not, we take a cab home from Robinson’s, and usually, the meter would go up to around Php 60.00. On Sunday, the meter was running unusually fast on the cab we took, and we ended up paying Php 75.00. We told the driver the average amount we pay, and he justified himself saying that was the normal rate. I took down the cab company name and the plate number so we can file a complaint about it. Having been a customer service representative, customer service is a touchy subject for me.
When you start to earn your keep, every cent would matter. On Saturday, Marisa and I went on a shopping spree downtown, where prices are way below than what you would normally pay for at high-end boutiques, or even just, say, Robinson’s Department Store. There are times though, when you just want to splurge on something; but that’s a different story.
Mulling things over, it was a practical move. For one thing, I did not sacrifice quality. And for another, the amount I paid for two jackets and a pair of sweatpants was the same amount I paid for a Hollister polo a few weeks back.
It was when I got home when my dad knowingly commented, “See? Now that you’re spending your own income, you’re spending it on cheap stuff.” My response? “It’s not cheap; it’s practical.”
But like I said, there are times when we just have the urge to splurge.
Hiding behind masks doesn’t get you anywhere.
Marisa bought another guitar today, but she was embarrassed to lug it in its case around the mall. My brother wouldn’t carry it either. Being the nice friend that I am, I took the load.
I got a few stares, yes, but did those people even know I don’t play the guitar well? I can strum a bit. I can tune the strings a bit. I can find some chords to a song [a bit]. But that’s not really me. I could want to be a rocker chick for all I care, but I can never be that. I have horrible fingers.
Like how I’m feeling right now. I say I’m OK, but really, I’m not. That doesn’t make things any better, does it?
If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies.
One minute, you’re carefree; the next minute, you’re facing life’s biggest challenges head on. My good friend Owen tells me you cannot help but change, especially if you’ve experienced something so drastic. You just can’t help it.
Maturity does not come with age. I can attest to that. Almost my entire life I just want to look at the world through a child’s eyes. Idealism sometimes causes us to get carried away. But in the end, reality always bites.
I must say I’ve matured over this past week, and I just couldn’t help but be.
